Why We’re Lucky To Have Trump

Remember the popular saying among Christians that turned into a fashion statement when lots of young people went around wearing woven bracelets embroidered with WWJD? Maybe it’s still popular, I don’t know, I’m not a practicing Christian or follower of Jesus, specifically. Those letters stand for What Would Jesus Do? I kind of liked the idea of it, a way for people to remind themselves, when at a crossroads of some sort, to check in with their highest self to glean what their hero might do. I may have even written about it somewhere after thinking that, for people of different faiths or beliefs, all they’d have to do is substitute Jesus with love. It would still work. When facing a tough decision or a particularly rotten person, you could ask yourself, What Would Love Do? If love were a person, I’m sure love would not choose to do something hateful or selfish, or ugly, right?

So, I was thinking about how lucky we are to have a modern-day anti-Jesus in our midst. Regardless of religion or political leanings, when trying to resolve a sticky situation, everyone can ask themselves the question, What Would Trump Do (WWTD)? Because, if you’re trying to live your best, most loving and compassionate life, right then and there you’d have your answer: do the exact opposite! (Even the most enthusiastic supporters admit compassion is not his strong suit.) Whether you believe in God or not, the White House occupant is our God-given barometer.

There you are in the supermarket; you’ve just checked out and you’re walking out the door when you notice something at the bottom of your cart that was inadvertently left behind. Do you go back and pay for it? Or do you think, Bastard giant corporation, they probably underpay their employees, they can afford it. Fuck ’em. That would be the perfect time to check in and ask yourself WWTD? You channel the spirit of the man who has increased the fortune he was born with by stiffing hundreds of business partners, and you walk out the door. Or! You remember that you’re supposed to do the exact opposite of what the president would do; you go back in and pay. You feel good about yourself because you’ve done the right thing. When you get to your car, your karma is waiting for you in the form of a note left on your windshield. Sorry I scratched your car while parking. Please call me for my insurance info. Sometimes karma is instant. You drive away thinking, This is how I raised my kids to be — not like Trump. How lucky are we to have this cool barometer!

The shifty liar is going down in flames in November because the worst in us gets to triumph some of the time, not all of the time. One of the biggest principles driving people who love him is anti-PC culture. We’re not PC around here, we say what we think. Well maybe you should consider keeping it to yourself sometimes (we all need to remember this) so as not to further pollute the air already suffused with coronavirus. If we do the opposite of what Trump would do, we may be able to take our masks off for good.

Carine is the author of six fiction and nonfiction books, and a longtime contributor to Huffpost, writing on issues of lifestyle, the arts, politics, and more.